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Saturday Shizzle...

Mornin'/ Afternoon: Went 2 Derina's place primarily 4 studyin' purposes. It was a cozy gf date... =)

Afternoon/ Late Evenin': All Work...

Night: Went 2 the Culture- Show After- Party w/ Tia & Danny. Mini San Francisco Reunion as well. Tia + Jackie + Teah + David + Shaz, of course. The party was hosted by homosexuals, I think. And I got fucked up by different drinks...

-GET CRUNK-


-DAVID & SHAZ-


Yes, all without my Romen... Sob! Saw him twice this week. He dropped by @ my job again. Argh... I hate it when he sees me in my ugly- ass work outfit. He has a habit of playin' w/ my hair. Not that I mind but my hair is not exactly soft nor smooth.

Anyways... He was a lil' trippin' that I'm partyin' 2nite w/o him. Plus... He really wanted 2 go but you kno' how I do, I don't fancy partyin' w/ my man. C'mon... What's the fun of it? I jus' wanna chill & do whatever I please. Not that my Romen restricts me... Relationship is not a 24/6 job.

Shaz really looks 4ward 2 Summer now cause her man has plans 4 her. I hope so! Perhaps a trip outta town? What an adventure! Right now, I'm still findin' the suitable time 2 break the news 2 my Mom.

- Shaz

Currently chillin' @ my school's library, fingers tired from copying the History class notes that I missed on Monday.

What's new:

1) Wasn't too satisfied w/ the drivin' test result cause that bitch-ass examiner
flunked my ass. I did ev'rythin' perfectly well, I kno' I did, there is no
denyin' or lyin' 'bout that but that stupid muthafuckin' bitch failed me because
I WAS UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!!! Fuck yo mama... Can you believe
that bullshit? Said I went 21mph on Terra Bella Street on a 35mph speed
limit. What a bitch... About 2 write up a complaint letter towards her
cause I swear I deserve to pass the test. In addition to that, she was looking at
her ugly ass in the mirror and "adjusting" her make-up, hair, etc while the car
was in motion. That is to me unprofessional.

2) I am official w/ Jerome.
April 24th, 2006
We are a couple now.
I didn't kno' he was serious 'bout this shit. I jus' played along w/ it.
And he instructed me to change my status on MySpace as
IN A RELATIONSHIP. I'mma see him today and I am nervous as
fuck... First date as my bf...
What should I wear? Hmm... Might take some pics w/ my chocolate brown
sugar... Lol...

- Shaz

For the past couple of days, I feel like a complete fool towards the friends that are fairly close to me.
I thought my good deeds is for a beneficial cause but there are plenty of faultlines.
I am expressing this feelings to make it perfectly clear to them whether they like it or not.
I am a person who GIVES AND TAKE...
As I am typing this entry, I am not being calculative.
My frustration and disappointment in my friends have exceeded my limits.
And the truth is, I had enough of this SHIT!!!
You guys may think I am playing around but this time, it is for real.

I am well- known for "granting" wishes.
And I get positive outcomes from it.
All I want is for the "other parties" to be happy.
To me, happiness is everything.
Has anyone ever thought of my happiness when I am "granting" them these wishes?

This Week:
This week, I planned and organized for a special occasion to the two people whom I thought meant alot to me.
I SACRIFICED my time, efforts, and money for the both of them.
I spent my days off from work trying to find the perfect outfit for the lady and went to her house in the dark to convince her Dad to let her go.
I spent my hours of rest and hours of family time trying to make the best for them.
From these sacrifices, I lacked quality time with my family and as a result, I had a little argument with my Mom over this shit.
As for the financial part, I really don't mind contributing to little details for the occasion. But all my money is from my hard work and come to realize it, my family needs it more than they do. And I thought while on the way home, I thought this special occasion is for two people and both parties ought to contribute fairly and equally? So, why is the guy paying off for everything? Same goes for marriage... A newly- wed couple should plan the marriage together which includes the financial part.

I really thought by helping them, they would be completely grateful and thankful towards my gratitude but you know what? I was wrong again. Instead they demanded MORE from me. They demanded the pics right NOW or by TONIGHT. However they ceased to realize my whereabouts or what I was doing. I was at work during my break having a minute of air to breathe.

I am sick and tired of being nice to people when in the end, I get shit from them...
I am sick and tired of helping people who don't appreciate my kindness.
I am sick and tired of people taking my kindness for a weakness.
I am sick and tired of people demanding shit from me.

BEAR THIS IN MIND:
I am not a DOG and you are not the MASTER.
When the MASTER tells the DOG to get its bone, the DOG rushes for it.
FUCK IT...
I WILL NEVER BE THE DOG!!!

I mean these from the bottom of my broken heart.
And all my kindness is HALAL and I have no form of regrets for helping you guys.
I wish you all the best this Saturday.
And whether or not, you decide to talk to me again, I don't mind or care.
My inner feelings have come out.
And you guys have exceeded my limits.

- Shaz

First:

Spent some time before work with a special someone... (You kno' who you are...)

Second:

Saw one of the UCLA basketball players, Luc Mbah a Moute... Served him a piece of chicken thigh patty (Lol...) He looks so much better in person... He had a haircut and he is hella TALL... He earned my R.E.S.P.E.C.T. just for being polite and humble...

Third:

My lil' Sis chatted with my Pa via MSN Messenger... And he asked for me & my whereabouts... Not to mention my finger condition... Isn't that thoughtful of him? I'm still mad @ him though!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

Shaz received a bundle of FLOWERS from a fellow coworker... Alright... When was the last time I was given flowers? Graduation Class of '05? Haha... That's the sweetest thing, knowin' that someone do care!

I feel so LOVED, y'all... Muacks...

P.S. HAPPY EASTER '06 to all... =)

- Shaz

A beautiful Saturday, don't you think? I jus' had my early dinner @ work... Sweet & Sour pollo y carne con salad... Anyway... Hung out w/ Jeroma 4 a lil' bit be4 work started... He & his black car were waitin' 4 me... Damn... His car is tight... And no guys... I don't like him 4 his car... I like him the way he is... I appreciate ev'ry second of his company & his time spent with me... So yea... I sat in the passenger seat & drove around until he finally parked his car. He asked me what I think of him... I was speechless... I didn't kno' the right words 2 say but I admit that lately I have been thinkin' of him constantly & ev'ry day, I await 4 his text or call... I don't kno'... I guess his fun self cheer me up... I think it is almost time 4 me 2 move on... And go out with someone new... It's a worthy experience, y'all... =)

- Shaz

This morning I woke up with a burn in my chest. Well... Not physically but psychologically... I feel a sudden ache, an ache of agony... I miss him alot... Without him, I feel empty... Last night when I thought ev'rythin' was lost, he sent me a text in the middle of the night... And my heart went out to him, for being there for me when I needed him the most & when I needed his comfort... Obviously he wasn't told of my feelings last night... So we ended textin' back & forth until my eyes set to a sleepin' mode... As time passes, I realized that his past doesn't matter 2 me anymore... I have learned to accept reality the way it is... At this point in time, I don't care 'bout anythin' else & all the applicable qualities I am lookin' for in a guy because my expectations are too high & it doesn't exist no more... So there you go... When the time is right & when I feel physically & mentally ready for a brand-new relationship, I want a man that fulfills me physically & mentally... I don't care what he does outside the relationship so long as he keeps me satisfied... Simple, si or no?

-Spring Break '06-

Over the past year, I have been foolish and naive. When I thought life is complicated with its simplicity. Things have changed. I am much sensible now. I realized that life doesn't evolve inside a tiny box. There is more than meets the eye. And the person that opened the jack-in-the-box for me is Jerome. In a reliable way... Because by unlockin' the box, he revealed awareness 2 my sleepin' soul. And from that day onwards, I look at all sides of the stories as a maze no matter how simplified the situation is. And now... I am finally awake... And it's all because of you...

- Shaz

Yes... Another hectic day @ work...
Oh God....
The challenges never seem 2 end...

Injured myself @ work late yesterday.
Cut my left index finger with the knife.
Almost slashed the tip of my finger.
Yikes, the feelin' of cuttin' my skin & the pain...
Yea... It's only a CUT, you guys must be thinking...

I was sent 2 the Emergency room
Knives & Hospital, not my best friend...
Phew... Thank God 4 no stitches or needles.
Only glued my cut.

Yes... Certainly a lesson 2 be learned...
Never play with sharp edges.
So from now on, I'm keepin' a distance...

P.S. Thank you ev'ryone @ work 4 your concern... Totally appreciate it... Especially to Javier AKA Mano (You are like a brother figure 2 me) Thanks a bunch...

-After treatment, still bleedin' the followin' mornin'-


-A Regular Patient (Yuck!)-

A short update on my life...

Nothin' much has changed or happened..

Jus' been busy w/ school & work...

No time 4 anythin' social except Andang's b'day bash...

Next entry I'll try 2 post some new pics up...

Anyway... I feel like writin' some deep shit... so don't mind me...

~.J.J. FOREVER~
Yes... It has been eight weeks since the last day.
And my heart still leaks of regrets & our shared past...
It lasted for a short term but I shall treasure it for the rest of my life...
Because with you, it wasn't just a fling...
I felt like it could have been something more, something extraordinary...

I tried to search for you in vain at school...
But there is no sign of you...
You don't stand out above the rest...
Why can't you find me?
I pray hard that one day...
You and I will meet again...

Because I knew I loved you before I met you...

- Shaz